Lord Live Coral
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A last poem for the night... comments/critiques please?
I was kind of in a Medieval-y mood all day today, but unfortunately, I heard that one of my dearest friends was in more of a "People are Awful" mood today because of a dreadful and winding story I don't care to ever go into. So here's what my sorry mind came up with (apologies in advance for the awful poetic quality.)
"Knight's Ode to a Fallen Lady"
Benevolence takes human form in thee
No utterance of evil leaves those lips
Of softest coral and subtle jubilee
For only words as wise as ancient scripts
Roll swiftly hence to bless humanity.
And in that blessing, sweet redemption shines,
All gain from thy so just and true decree,
Which e'er indebts a lowly soul like mine.
Yet History frowns slightly on thy light,
And Her cruel tomes house stories of lewd lords,
Who is their pride and envy of your might,
Have lived to fell as pure a name as yours.
Though rumors fly as Donte's whirlwind Hell,
In your fair guise may Christ forever dwell.
This is really, really good. It's so refreshing to finally read something on this site that (to me) feels like it's actually worth reading. I haven't read a good poem on here in forever. My comment is: I love this.
As for the critique, here's a couple of suggestions:
- 3rd line first stanza has 11 syllables if I counted right. I'd change "softest" to "soft"
- You didn't punctuate the first stanza. Idk if that was on purpose. In the second stanza, I think the first line is supposed to end with a comma, and the second line with a period.
August 26th, 2005 in
Aquarium Supplies